Monday, June 6, 2011

"Gettysburg" - A Review - Part 3

Take a deep breath. Here we go.

July 3rd, 1863 is one of the most important days in American history. A massive artillery bombardment, followed by thousands of Confederate soldiers marching across a mile-wide valley to meet destiny and disaster on the west slope of Cemetery Ridge. So how well is it portrayed on TV?

The majority of the fighting on Culp’s Hill ends around 12:00AM, July 3rd. Confederate soldiers now occupy a good portion of the breastworks built up by the Union’s 12th Corp and remnants of the 1st and 11th Corp. Culp’s Hill continues to be the highlight of this entire program.

Now Rebel troops are gaining ground on lower Culp’s Hill.

I was blown away when the narrator said this. It’s one thing to get the fighting right, but to label the topography correctly is incredible. Culp’s Hill is actually 2 hills, “upper” Culp’s Hill (where the modern observation tower sits), and “lower” Culp’s Hill (around Spangler’s Spring and Pardee Field). I have to ask the question again: Why is Culp’s Hill continuing to be the only thing portrayed correctly in the program up to this point? I have no idea, but I guess it’s better to get one thing right than to get everything absolutely wrong.

The fighting on Culp’s Hill now follows 2 individuals; a private from the 1st Maryland Battalion (CS), and a colonel from the 1st Maryland (US). Ridgley Howard, the private fighting for the Confederacy, is struck by a bullet in the thigh. As he pulls himself up to sit against a tree, another bullet slams into his hip. After the fighting dies down, Howard receives help from an unlikely source. Soldiers of the 1st Maryland (US) rush down the slope to gather their fellow Marylanders. Just moments before, both sides were trying to kill each other. Now, only acts of mercy and compassion are shared between both Maryland units. Unfortunately, Culp’s Hill ends here. The brightest spot of the program lasts a disappointing 12 minutes.

OK. Here we go.

The narrator introduces us to Lee’s plan to attack the Union center on Cemetery Ridge. I immediately notice something that looks odd; a shot of Union artillery on Cemetery Ridge, placed so close together that the guns are only 4-5 feet apart. I don’t know much about artillery, but I do know that you shouldn’t place them so ridiculously close together. If the artillery actually formed up this way during the war, one good shot could take out 3 or 4 artillery crews at once.

The artillery finally opens up. This is when the program basically raises the middle finger to all the viewers. Yeah, you like this? You have 20 more minutes to sit through, and I am going to make this as painful as possible! Cannon barrels flop around like they're made of rubber; some guns recoil, while others sit completely still; crews stand alongside guns that are firing as if nothing is even happening. My point - it looks terrible.

Cease fire!

Who the hell just said that? Some random lieutenant standing between 2 cannons?! Wow. Gen. Henry Hunt, Chief of Artillery for the Army of The Potomac, ordered his artillery to stop firing. He did this for 2 reasons; to save ammunition for the infantry assault he knew was coming, and to lure the Confederates into thinking that his artillery had been crippled during the bombardment. It works.

Now we’re looking into the eyes of Brig. Gen. Joseph Davis. As he stares across the fields towards the Union position, he develops a strange look on his face. He doesn’t look worried or concerned, just really confused. Instead of reacting to the situation that lies in front of him, it appears as though Davis is watching a leprechaun ride a unicorn through fields of cotton candy and rainbows. It’s almost comical. By this point, you’re just done with the whole “documentary” thing. I actually burst into laughter when I saw his face. How terrible is that?

Davis gives his brigade the order to advance. The cameras pull back to show the brigade in form…forma…formatio…THE CAMERAS PULL BACK TO SHOW THE BRIGADE IN A FORMATION THAT IS TOTALLY WRONG AND MAKES ABSOLUTELY NO SENSE!

Ok, try to follow me on this one. Instead of marching in a battle line, it shows Davis’ brigade in a weird column. I say “column” because I have no other way of describing it. Below is what you would have seen during Pickett’s Charge - 2 rows of soldiers in a battle line:

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(Front)

Below is how the soldiers march in the program:

* * * * * * *
* * * * * * *
* * * * * * *
* * * * * * *
* * * * * * *
* * * * * * *
* * * * * * *
* * * * * * *
* * * * * * *
* * * * * * *
(Front)

That’s just ignorant. There is no way you can convince me that not one single person on the set had any idea of what a battle line looked like. Inexcusable, and unforgivable.

During the advance, Davis has about 30 shells explode around his feet, knocking everyone down around him. But not Davis. Davis continues on, turning around with every explosion. I’m not sure if they intended it to look this way, but he also walks like he just pooped his trousers.

Stopping to fire in an open field is suicide. But there’s no point, their muskets are out of range.

Thanks, narrator. That information is great. It’s such a weird comment that I can’t even decipher if it actually means anything or not.

Wait a second…

What is that on Davis’ left flank? Is that a mountain? Yep. It is. What are the chances that this film crew actually cared about the location of where this was shot? I’m going to say “none”. So, there you have it viewers, Davis’ left flank was protected by Mount Everest during Pickett’s Charge.

Davis’ brigade now approaches the Emmitsburg Road. On the other side of the road should be a gentle rise up to a stone wall with thousands of Union soldiers standing their ground. What do we get on TV? A line of Union soldiers standing on the other side of the Emmitsburg Road, not more than 15 feet away, shooting into the Confederate soldiers as they lay down in front of the fence. Oh, and there’s cannons and caissons near the fence, too. I could save the day by throwing in the fact that Union artillery was overrun near the Emmitsburg Road during the fighting on July 2nd, but there is no way in hell that this production crew could have ever thought of this. If they did, it had to be by accident.

Woah.

What did I just see?

IS THAT A PAIR OF TENNIS SHOES ON A SOLDIER?!

At this point, I shouldn’t even care. But, I have to include it because it’s so bad. A Confederate soldiers jumps over the fence along the Emmitsburg Road. The bottom of his shoe is white, and the laces appear to be modern. To top it off, there is a “loop” on the heel of the shoe (like some modern shoes have) to assist in putting the shoe on. Basically, it looks like a pair of Converses that were spray painted black (but with a white sole). Incredible.

As it turns out, the “stone wall” is only 10 feet away from the Emmitsburg Road. Union soldiers stand there, gunning down the Confederates as they cross over the road. And by “stone wall”, I mean flat, open ground. Have any of these people actually seen ANY of the terrain at Gettysburg?

Only 7 more minutes to go. We can do this.

Finally, a shot of the actual stone wall. And guess what? They got it wrong.

HOW CAN YOU GET A STONE WALL WRONG?

It takes a special person/team to botch something as simple as a stone wall. This is going to be a tough one to describe. The stone wall runs north-to-south along the spine of Cemetery Ridge. At one point, the wall cuts 90 degrees to the east for several hundred feet, then cuts 90 degrees to the north, forming "The Angle". In the program, the stone wall is depicted opposite of how it actually looks. Instead of the angle being north of the "Copse of Trees", it's actually south of them. Oh, and there's a fictional mountain behind the Union lines, too.

I had to add in the “Fictional Mountain” because, just like in the shots with Davis, there is a huge mountain in the background that absolutely doesn’t (and never did) exist. The only neat part about the depiction of Pickett’s Charge is the hand-to-hand fighting. I’d like to think that the actors/reenactors were told something like this:

Okay guys, we’re going to wrap up filming today with some hand-to-hand combat over the stone wall. You guys have been great, so to show you our level of appreciation, we’re gonna give you a sneak peak of “Gettysburg” before we shoot the combat scenes. Gather ‘round. This is what you’ve sacrificed family and personal time for…

Then emotions boiled over. The level of frustration went through the roof, and men started acting like animals. Punching, kicking, stabbing and clawing at one another in an effort to make “Gettysburg” simply “Go Away”. The crew, vigilant as ever, turned the cameras on and caught the intensity of men in combat.

The amount of fiction that I just hammered out doesn’t even compare to the amount of fiction the Scotts put into this program. Authors were offended, Civil War enthusiasts were offended, teachers were offended, and I’m offended, because this program is one of the worst representations of Gettysburg that I have ever seen. If you haven’t seen this program, you have to. I know, I just carved it to pieces, BUT IT’S THAT BAD. It’s something you have to experience. I hope the errors in this program encourage others to research and learn about the battle. If more people end up reading books because of this program, then something good came out of this mess. Sadly, that’s about it. Other than a few first person accounts, and the shots of Culp’s Hill, the whole thing is a jumbled tragedy that wants to call itself “Gettysburg”.

The History Channel should be ashamed of itself, as well as the entire production team. This is, without a doubt, one of the most misleading and false documentary’s I have ever seen.

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